At the birth
stage human kids are utterly helpless, lacking the ability to do even the
simplest of task. The reason is not that kids are inherently stupid; it is
because brains and bodies are underdeveloped at that stage. Hence kids are
dependent a lot on parents and they learn a lot of things from the surroundings
they are brought up. By relating this phenomena with art of making clay pot we
can say that the strength and the beauty of the clay pot are partially
dependent on the shape and design given by its maker. The quality of the clay
can't be blamed all time. Similarly the quality of genes of a human can't be
blamed all time. This is because human’s character is nourished by its parents and
surrounding people like you and me. Therefore it is very important for us to
mind our deeds and action as it as long lasting impact on upcoming coming
generation.
If
we just go through the newspapers or any media, we would find that we are
constantly surrounded by hate bubbles, our world breeds negativity and
polarization each day, even if we play no part in it nor may be mere passive
recipients. And nourishing a child under such circumstances is
difficult as a task but not something impossible.
One often
wonders whether a child is inherently good-natured or whether it is a trait
that can be developed. What makes little children mean, and why are some meaner
than others? Is it inherited, is it what they are watching or eating, is it
their home environment?
It is certain that
kindness needs to be taught as much as survival skills.
However,
teaching children to care about others is not simple. Kindness also needs
practice. It doesn’t come from nowhere. Kindness is more show than tell. Our
children are always watching us, and most of what they learn is through
observation. If you linger long enough around kids, inevitably someone ends up
being teased, left out of a game, or bossed around.
It’s as if
children are constantly testing out being nice, mean, or silly to see how their
peers react. Early childhood, especially the pre-school years is also a time
when kids begin to figure out group dynamics. When you watch them, it’s obvious
that a lot of the insults, grabbing, and put-downs are part of this
experimentation.
Very often,
children display complete disregard for the feelings of others and unless the
other person displays overt signs of hurt, don’t even notice it. On the other
hand, there are parents monitoring their children’s moods all the time. Why are
you sad today? Are you upset about something? This obsession
with their feelings makes children think about themselves constantly, and not
enough about that new child in their class who is lonely, or that one who is
being bullied.
When we focus
too much on our children’s feelings and too little on their behaviour towards
others, we are also telling them that we value their feelings over anyone
else’s and that is a dangerous situation.
But if we even
vaguely understand where the meanness is coming from, maybe we can make sense
of it in our own minds, and ultimately help kids to be kind and compassionate
people.
Children may not
be listening to what we tell them but they are always watching us — how we
behave, especially towards people less privileged than us, the way we talk to
family members, friends, the invisible people and the world at large. All of
this shapes a child’s mind in a million different ways.
And as I stated earlier
the design and the shape given by the pot maker determines a clay pot's strength
and quality. Similarly we need to ensure
that kindness, compassion and empathy stay with our future generation via
people like me and you through our deeds and action which is been observed by kids around us.
-Francis Lazar.
